I had planned to have an all natural vaginal birth, I wanted to go full term, and have my daughter come on her own terms, as healthy as possible. I had talked to my Doula’s about coping methods for the pain, how I wanted my husband to cut her cord after it was done pulsing, how I wanted skin to skin contact and breastfeeding as soon as possible. But then my daughter decided to come when I was barely 35 weeks pregnant.
When I was 32 weeks pregnant I started having small contractions the night of my baby shower, they didn’t go away after a couple hours so my OB told me to go ahead and go onto L&D. I went into the hospital, and found out I was 1 cm dialted, 50% effaced and I was going into labor. I started crying (Thanks pregnancy hormones!) because I was scared my daughter wasn’t going to be okay. The lovely nurse’s explained to me that they were going to do everything they possibly could to make sure my daughter wouldn’t come early. I got two steroid shots, an IV of fluids, and a shot to stop labor. My contractions started to slow down and sent me home the next day, on bed rest.
The next three weeks were horrible! I was constantly cramping in pain, I was bored out of my mind, and I felt like I was as fat as an elephant. I couldn’t wait for my daughter to get here, yet I wanted her to wait as long as possible. (I myself was a 32 weeker and I suffer from ADHD, an allergy to nuts, and asthma). My mucus plug had been slowly disappearing and I had been throwing up and having diarrhea from 34-35 weeks, I didn’t realize that those were signs of labor nearing.
The day after I turned 35 weeks I had the most horrible cramps, It felt like my entire back and stomach was on fire, like my whole stomach was churning. I hadn’t felt my daughter move yet that day so I called my OB and asked what they thought I should do. They told me to drink lots of water, lay on my left side, and take a warm bath. Apparently if I was still having contractions after the bath they were not braxton hicks. My husband helped me into the bath tub and poured warm water over my belly with every contraction that I had. My contractions slowed down from the bath and once I got out my husband told me the rest of my mucus plug was hanging out (Sorry if TMI) then I started dribbling water. It just leaked a couple times, then I got the gush, the huge gush of water from movies! All over our bathroom wood floor, the freaking WOOD FLOOR! I was in denial that it was my water and said I had peed myself. Evan on the other hand said it was my water, and that we were going to have a baby today. I seriously thought I had peed myself because I remembered that I had to pee before I got in the tub. So I grabbed a ton of toilet paper, dragged my pregnant self back into the bath tub, and peed. I just stood there and peed. Then I knew that it was my water that had broke because the pee was yellow and smelled like pee, unlike my water which was clear and smelled sweet, and sort of like skin.
I stood in the bathtub until my water stopped leaking a ton, then we stuffed my underwear with a pad and a couple washcloths. We got to the hospital not even an hour later (I had only had maybe 3 contractions) and I was already dilated to almost 6 cm and 100% effaced! I wasn’t hurting and I was so excited that I could have the natural birth I wanted. Until my doctor felt lily’s feet trying to come out. She broke the news that since I was dilating so fast I would need an emergency c-section. I cried my eyes out right then and there, It was not what I had wanted, not what I planned (I thrive on planning). I signed the consent forms, and had them hook the IV up to me. The anesthesiologist came in asking if I was allergic to any medicine, and if I wanted to be awake during the procedure. My husband started texting my family and my doula’s to let them know what was going on, he also said he wanted to be in the room with me during the Cesarean. My grandma arrived right before they were taking me into the OR and prayed with me. I couldn’t stop crying. I was terrified of dying, of bleeding out, of something being wrong with my daughter, of not being able to hold her, touch her, see her. They whisked me off in my hospital bed into the Operating Room and told me my husband couldn’t come in until they were done prepping me. This made me hysterical (again, stupid pregnancy hormones!) I started screaming for him and crying, I almost had a panic attack right there on the OR table. The most sweetest nurse in the entire world just held me. She told me everything was going to be okay, that I was going to be okay, and I would get to meet my baby girl soon.
I got calmed down enough for them to do the spinal tap, and I have to tell you, it hurt like hell. They asked me if I could feel my toes and I wiggled them then started freaking out because I could still feel them. Then the anesthesiologist gave me another shot in my back (of morphine I think) and I calmed down and couldn’t feel anything. I laid down on the table as the put the blue curtain up, and tried my hardest not to fall asleep. The morphine made me feel very drugged, tired, and itchy, I did not like that at all. Evan got to come in and I remember happy crying because he made me feel safe and okay, he made me feel like everything would be fine. I don’t know how long it had been but then he disappeared. I heard yelling voices and then a baby cry. My daughter was born, she was crying, she was okay. I freaked out because I couldn’t find Lily or Evan but then saw both of them and the nurses over at the warmer station. Lily was purple, and she gasped for breath, but then she started crying, her beautiful newborn cry. I heard the nurse ask Evan if he wanted to put her first diaper on, he smiled, and I watched him put her first diaper on her.
Lily Kairi was born at 9:14 pm at 6lbs 13oz, and 19 inches long.
Evan brought Lily over to me, but I only got to kiss her little cheek before they had to take her to the NICU. She had low blood sugar, and had trouble breathing on her own. They sewed me back up and then took me to the recovery room. In the recovery room I threw up everything I had eaten the past day. I felt gross, drugged, and horrible. I wanted to see Lily but they wouldn’t let me. Then we found out Lily and I both had Strep B, so we both had to go on a round of antibiotics (On top of her temporary feeding tube and oxygen). Most of the details are hazy, but I didn’t get to see Lily until two in the morning the next day.
It wasn’t what I had planned, at all, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. My husband was my main support line during everything. He stayed in the NICU with our daughter and took pictures for me to see while I couldn’t be with her. It was a difficult, but amazing day. The best day of my entire life.
The first picture I saw of my beautiful baby,